Rap Artists Unite To Control White People

A group of unidentified hippity-hop rap-along artists have decided to collaborate to exercise a more positive control over white people. The recent controversy around Don Imus' controversial statements have drawn widespread attention to the fact that white people are learning how to conduct themselves in public, that is to say when Black people are around, largely from listening to the lyrical content of contemporary hip-hop music. (To date there are no reports of improvement in rhythmically challenged white people that can be traced to exposure to rap music.)

The rappers agreed during a closed door session that they were indeed responsible for the fact that white people continue to use derogatory language to refer to Black women, and specifically responsible for the word "Ho" (there was some disagreement about who was responsible for "knappy headed", with several voting to hold the Roots solely responsible for that, and some offering Old Dirty Bastard as posthumously implicated). The group also took the unprecedented step of proclaiming themselves to be the de-facto role models for all white people.

One rapper, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said we should expect to hear some changes in the lyrics of some major upcoming hippity-hop releases. According to the source, "We figure since white folks are doing what we say do, we need to get them to understand that the best way to deal wit a nigga is to throw cheddar at him. White folks need to run out and give all they money to the first nigga they see every day. We'll all get along just fine then, so that's what we gonna get them to do from now on."

From the Afrosciated Press, April 18, 2007